The Nephew
The circle of life! The complexities of generational differences and the importance of learning from various perspectives. 4th gen point of view.
It has been more than 1,000 days since he came into the world, right in the middle of the pandemic chaos.
I was sleeping and around early morning I got a call from my mother, that it was a boy! After a few hours, I first saw him via a video chat. I didn't see him properly because my mother was still struggling with new technologies.
Anyway, after 3 days I brought them home from the hospital. After washing my hands thoroughly, I was finally able to hold the little guy.
I still remember the first time I held him. He was so small and very vulnerable. I feared that he might slip away from my hand. I don't know how to describe that feeling. I really didn't like kids that much. But this was a different feeling.
Since then he has been a part of our lives. His parents were working abroad. So up until his mother finally arrived after completing her contract, he lived with me and my parents.
For me, this was a completely new experience. As I mentioned before, I wasn't exactly a big fan of kids. All the noise and chaos just wasn't my cup of tea. I wasn't sure about the decision to have him grow up here without parents, especially during those early years. I raised my concerns several times. My parents were committed to supporting my sister's career success, especially since she was at her career peak.
I remember his endless crying throughout the day and night. I used to get worried easily. But for my mother, it was not new. Despite her age-related challenges, she raised him with such love and care. I learned the levels of patience from her!
I see him as the fourth generation of my reality. I mean my Grandfather, Father, me and my Nephew! We all struggled and are still struggling for different reasons. I understood that by just being with him.
During the famine and survival
I lived with my grandfather throughout my childhood. But I only understood, I mean really understood him by the end of his life and during the afterthoughts. His death was my first real experience of the “face of death”. I still remember his eyes going sideways and his struggling for breath. I don't think I can ever forget that!
He had nine children. His life was all about surviving. He didn’t bother to make a good fortune. He was very kind, and at the same time, he didn't show much affection towards anyone. But he was kind, that I’m sure. I don't even know why he gave me his blanket, perfume, and his table during his final days.
I know every relative has their own perception of him. But judging him is not even practical through any lens. Like I said, I only get to know the real him during his final days. If that was not the case, I’m sure I could have had a lot more great memories. I used to go to his shop with him under the shade of his umbrella. I have that faded memory registered somewhere in my mind. I can still recollect a scene where he and I were having lunch on the kitchen bench.
Because of my regrets or what, I’m still not sure, I left a note in his coffin without anyone seeing. I think it’s reaching around seventeen years or so. His memory still lives on through me and all the other people he loved.
I don't believe in the afterlife or other myths. I believe that he found peace before his last breath. He deserves it after surviving those difficult times.
After the independence and development
My father and I have a very complicated relationship. As I grew up, I started to notice that we had our differences in ideologically and in most of the things. Once, I never wanted to leave his protective layer. I used to give all my earnings straight to him. Even though he hesitated at first, I insisted. He never took even one penny for himself from my contribution. I don't know why. Maybe I’ll understand it in the future.
As I started to see things from a different perspective, we used to have arguments all the time. In a sense we drifted apart, but not really, I still live with my parents.
I understand him. I know that he tried and is still trying his best. His life was and is all about providing. To my knowledge, he never spends anything on him. Everything for family. Like an ant collects food!
But when the indifferences and arguments started to become more frequent and intense, it was difficult to have a sane conversation. He doesn't want to hear my reasonings, and I can't bear his responses. He does not see life as his father saw it or as I’m seeing it. His circle is different and so is mine. His understanding of the world is not mine. Of course, he lived more, significantly more years than me. But the generation gap plays an important role in all this. So, right now, my mother is the centripetal force that keeps both of us in our family.
He tried his best to talk about the challenges he faced. Surviving in a joint family is not an easy task. So, with a very practical lens, I understand him. So, I never try to change him. Just keeping a long-distance orbit.
In the middle of globalization and technological advancement
This is where I come. I still don't have a clue about “life”. I’m just wondering about this universe each day. I try to understand everything in astronomical terms1, which doesn't make any sense to my parents. That’s where I struggle to live.
I want to educate them in these aspects but never want to impose or question their belief or anything. They have their life and I have mine. It’s just that, everything could have been better if we understood each other in a better way.
My family doesn't know about my blog or the things I do for a living. They don’t know I like to write. They only know that I’m a designer, a person who is working from home and always in front of a laptop. I tried many times to demonstrate, but this whole field is out of their understanding of the job sector. Whenever I try to tell them about my passion or hobbies or anything, they only ask one thing; “can you make money out of it?” This is where the arguments start.
From their life experience, they've got a deep understanding of money's worth and influence. That's probably why they're always questioning my decisions. I understand that. But, I don't want to live my life in survival mode or as a person who is only for providing. That doesn't make any sense to me.
I’m all in it for one thing - The pursuit of happyness
Because every day when I learn more about the universe, I understand only one thing. If you take away major health problems and accidental passings, our time here is actually pretty short! I intend to live that on my own terms and likings.
Human lifestyle can be described in two ways in a broader aspect - "wanderers" and "settlers". In these technologically advanced times, I don't want to travel a lot. I’m happy around beaches, hills, and greeneries.
While it’s true that, traveling will give more idea about the world and people, so does reading or watching travelogues. I’m not a traveler. I like the comfort of home.
I talk to many people around the world. I read about their experiences. I see their struggle. My parents only talk to the people around them. While they think about the practicality of life, I think and ask about the “why” aspect.
For the record, I dislike the entitled behaviors. Never take anything for granted. Earn every penny. Live however you like without disturbing a single soul.
I like to be around people who share the same sense. I like to write because it helps me to think and process information and ideas.
Born into the digital and pandemic world
He’s the one who helped me to see the world from a different point of view. He is really enthusiastic, energetic, and actively seeking answers. I mean he explores and asks a lot of questions. A lot means a lot.
Explaining to a child is the most difficult part. It should be simple and in an age-appropriate manner. I mean he only needs to know a lighter can be used to make a fire and it may give burns. For now, he doesn't need to know the mechanical side of “how a lighter works?”
This is how I try to design always.
He’s experiencing everything for the first time. He questions everything until it makes some sense to him. Sometimes, to avoid further questions (while I’m busy), I say something silly. But he never takes it for that. This is a strange phenomenon I observed in him. I still don't get how he knew that I was bluffing!
His influence
I did a few things because he influenced me in my life. To learn letters, I created a few screens for him. So after a few days, I published it as a video and eBook.
Download the ABC eBook for kids 2 to 4 age | Watch the ABCD words video here.
Below are the two scenarios I experienced with him.
I wrote this short story based on my experience with him - A Place in the Stars.
I stargaze with him. We observe the Moon and Jupiter. He knows the three straight-line stars are called Orion’s belt. He knows the stars Betelgeuse, Sirius, and Procyon - the Winter Triangle. He doesn't know the meaning of all these. Just the names. While on our night walk, he calls and points at some star. So that I can know he remembers.
A hyperactive kid with a bit of laziness. But all these are nothing to his curiosity to know things. Even though he throws everything at first, there comes a moment when he calms down and starts arranging everything in order. I like that behavior in him.
He used to disturb me while I was working. But after some reminders, he finally got the hang of knocking and calling out to me instead. It takes time to settle in with a toddler.
He’s like a cat person. Want to explore everything! Knock everything off the table. But once something happens, he stays there feeling guilty. That’s the cue for teaching the why, don’t, etc. And then he learns!
He learned how to use the YouTube kids app, menu drawer, lock and unlock screen, volume, and brightness adjustment before he was four. My parents are still struggling with these. I often wonder about his speed at these things.
Despite my attempts to encourage him towards the Batman franchise, like most the kids he went the Marvel way. He’s now obsessed with Spider-Man and now trying to create web and swings 😂. Maybe he will come around when he hits teenage.
He’s also a fan of Dinosaurs these days. We've been watching clips from BBC documentaries and Jurassic World movies, which has become a great way to settle him down and spend quality time. I'm curious to figure out what sparked his interest in these prehistoric creatures.
I think the toughest part of parenting has gotta be the constant battles over food and sleep. I've never had to be this patient in my life! Getting him to eat is like moving mountains, and getting him to sleep at night is a whole other story. Our whole daily rhythm has been turned upside down to match his. I can't even switch on a light during his sleep at night. The lesson is patience and adaptability!
I get a very easy feel when I watch or read about other’s experiences with their toddler. Some memes are super relatable 😂.
We're planning to start gardening together soon, planting seeds and seeing how they grow. I'm looking forward to sharing this experience with him.
There is almost no day without Baby Shark and Cocomelon. In the initial days, I noticed that my whole YouTube feed changed. it's fascinating to observe how the dynamics of family entertainment have shifted over time.
I mean, back in the day, television was primarily controlled by adults. But nowadays, it's the kids who often have a say in what to watch. I see many videos, where parents watch sports and movies on their phones and kids watch cartoons on their 80-inch TVs!
I try my best not to expose any other form of internet entertainment like YouTube Shorts and Instagram Reels. I want to help him develop a good attention span, even though short attention spans are pretty common these days.
Raising a kid is like revisiting our childhood. Our chance to solve every mistake. It doesn't mean to make him extra soft and vulnerable to the world’s dangers.
Even though I might be considered extended family, the years we've spent together have forged a bond that feels immediate and deep. Family is more than just labels, I mean the love and connections we build. We have even code words and actions.
I can see my forgotten childhood in him. All I want is to shield my nephew from the experiences that might cause trauma, especially the kind that can be passed down from generation to generation.
Trauma doesn't have to be a life experience. “Break the cycle of trauma with my generation” is the best thing a parent can do for their child.
I have a feeling that his struggles will be different from the ones previous generations faced. I guess that's why there are often disagreements between fathers and sons - each generation has its own unique experiences and perspectives.
It's like the circle of life.
A quick GIF explanation if it is not clear: I think everything is the same but not exactly. You can't compare, each life experience is the same but different and unique. That’s the point I’m trying to make. Try to imagine this in a side view and compress.
I often find it helpful to view life through the lens of astronomy, using cosmic concepts and metaphors to better understand the world around me. Please note that this is not related to astrology, to me that’s just a pseudoscience.