People
The complexities of being human.
This blog is all about exploring the complexities of human connections, and perceptions. I'm just sharing my thoughts, drawing from various philosophies I've come across, trying to make sense of it all. If this isn't your cup of tea right now, no worries. Just close the tab and move on.
I was thinking of a wedding invitation I received a few months back from a very old friend. I was one of the few people he chose to invite. It really surprised me. I mean, we never contacted for more than a Jupiter cycle. How did I come to his mind? What memory of me sparked that thought?
We exist as different versions
We all play different characters in someone's memory. We project ourselves in one way, but people perceive it differently. That is beyond our control. I guess we'll never truly know how much someone hates or likes us because people don't usually express their exact feelings as it is. It might create awkward situations. I guess that's a bit tragic, right?
Have you ever been in a situation where someone finds your presence warm and inviting, even if you haven't spoken to them, like forever? Some relationships are like that. They can just start from where they stopped. They don't complain. Life happens and we all get busy. Sometimes it can be a little complicated.
From reading people's experiences, I observed that it's important to surround yourself with those who appreciate your whole self. If we change for only one person, we’ll become a dead weight after some time. We won't even realize our new identity. Change when you feel it's necessary, and ensure it reflects your true self.
We're not obligated to maintain the versions others have of us. People might expect us to remain as they have known us, but people change.
Our impact on others
It is actually bigger than we think. Lately, I've been making a conscious effort to appreciate the time people spend with me. I believe it's important to express gratitude when someone chooses to allocate even just a few minutes or hours to be with us.
We all give and receive advice, right? If you follow someone's advice and it works, let them know. It's rewarding to see our advice make a positive impact.
People often fear talking or expressing themselves. We may never know who silently appreciates our behavior, interactions, work, knowledge, or thoughts. Sometimes what we say makes people pause and think again. Different viewpoints help us understand things better, as not everything is just black and white.
Talking to a random stranger is so stress-free. Have you ever thought of this? Because we don't know each other and the weight of judgment is not there. One day, a stranger can become so important to us that we feel we’ve known them forever.
Someone I know told me this; one needs to be respected and appreciated when they're alive not after they are parted from this world. Our conversation diverted from that point, but what she said was a valid point. Because we may never know when it is the last time we speak to someone forever.
Draw a line
How someone treats us when their guard is down shows who they really are. No one can fake it forever. Eventually, everyone gets tired of acting and reveals their true self.
If someone takes us for granted, it can feel like stepping into a personal hell.
Everyone needs to draw a line at some point. The modern world calls it personal boundaries. And I also feel it is a necessity for maintaining our well-being. While most people respect these imaginary lines, some prefer to create chaos. In these situations, our mind tends to lean towards what's familiar, even if it's harmful. Therefore, it's crucial to make decisions based on behavioral patterns rather than some isolated incidents, recognizing that nobody is perfect.
There's a clear difference between doing something for approval and doing it because we genuinely want to. In this world, being a nice person can sometimes be viewed as a red flag. Even if your kindness is genuine or forged through life lessons and setbacks, it may not be fully appreciated. The world often questions such sincerity, labeling it as "too good to be true". This observation applies to all genders.
It is not any individual's fault. Because of people's randomness and unpredictable behavior, trust issues form in everyone. So they raise their protective shield and question everything. Either you stay and prove them wrong or you leave.
Intention and interpretation
The fear of being misunderstood often leads to over-explaining or no explanation at all, which can complicate things. People interpret our intentions based on their own experiences, so we can't expect everyone to take things the same way.
Whatever we try to do, some people might not see it if it's not communicated well enough. It's just how things are, not really anyone's fault.
The modern world is obsessed with red flags. For most of the red flags in us, someone appreciates that trait in us. For instance, when we're shopping for a dress, we might pick out items that others have passed over. Yes, people are complicated. What's seen as negative by one person might be exactly what another is looking for. Still, it's important to acknowledge and address common red flags as they arise.
Sometimes, giving and taking personal space can be viewed as a bit selfish. However, it's necessary to prevent suffocation in any relationship. People interpret this need for space differently. So it's truly valuable when someone unconditionally accepts and appreciates us as we are.
Our absence
I believe our influence extends beyond our awareness. It sticks around, even after we're gone and our memories play a big role in grief too. So even in our absence, our impact is felt. Someone might miss us or notice that we're not there. Others might smile at something we said or an appreciation we expressed. Some might even feel disappointed that we’re not around. We will never truly understand the depth of our influence, and I guess that's okay, right? There is no fun in knowing everything. Sometimes, uncertainties and unknowns bring their own kind of happiness.
Believe it or not, someone notices when we are gone. There is always someone, mostly it might be the last person we think of. And sometimes, the people who we thought very dear to us may not even think about us. Some relationships are only going because we make an effort. To live more peacefully, sometimes we need to relieve the dead weight.
I get emails from some people I know. That’s an effort worth the follow-up because they might be at a stage where they can't find the replicate of me in anyone.
If you're a person who likes to keep a routine or order in everything, I’m sure your absence will make an impact, maybe more than you can imagine.
Concluding…
This world is not so naive, but some people can be. Also, there will be trust issues because of past experiences. Our minds will not let us go down a dangerous path again.
IN THE END… We only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
― Lewis Carroll
We can't control how we’re viewed in every interaction, but we can control living with integrity to our core values and letting the right relationships unfold organically from that solid sense of self. As the saying goes “Aim for the moon, if you miss, you may hit a star”.
In all the chaos and randomness of this world, I still try to be the change I want to see in this world. People influenced me with their takes on life. On some rare occasions, I've adopted their insights and used them to gain a better understanding of the world.
People might see our change as virtue signaling, but like everything else in this world, everything is complicated until someone tries to fix it. We need to try at least, right?
I can and I'll stay optimistic about it.
Disclosure: I've frequently used terms like 'someone' and 'sometimes' throughout this blog to convey general ideas and scenarios.